It’s been rough soccer season for my nine year old. There were lots of tears and a ton whining. It was his first time playing since he was in preschool.
I guess it didn’t help that his dad was asked to be assistant coach because someone quit.
Whenever he wasn’t playing the way he “should” be performing, he started having the same recurring thoughts.
𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐞.
𝐈’𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐲.
This was very hard for me to see, especially as a mom, pediatrician and coach.
It was also a challenge because I am innately so different from him. I was brought up to be competitive, never give up and encourage myself continuously. More importantly, I could never accept failure.
That was obviously taken to the extreme and finally landed me in the mindset work that I use on myself and my clients.
𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕.
After a lot of tension between my husband and I about how to manage his soccer experience, I decided to just give unconditional love and support.
1. I would tell him what he did right every game.
2. I showed up to cheer and guide him from the sidelines ( despite not ever playing soccer)
3. I listened whenever he was willing to share without interrupting.
4. I allowed him to have ALL the feelings (it wasn’t always easy)
When emotions weren’t high, I coach him on the power of our thoughts to create any result in our life. Of course, I used age appropriate lingo.
5. I stopped myself when I realized I nagging and lecturing. That NEVER works.
6. I let go of the Asian tiger mom cape
7. Lastly, I was ok with having a different parenting style than my husband. I didn’t judge myself when I tried to overcompensate when my husband showed up as his authentic self.
We lost the quarterfinals and all felt a little sad for different reasons.
My son cried because he never scored a goal.
My husband was upset because the kids made lots of silly mistakes.
I was sad because I wanted my son to have some happy memories of soccer.
It’s all OK!
𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒆 𝒃𝒆 𝒐𝒌 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆?
𝑰𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒕𝒚𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆?
𝑾𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇?
Anything is possible.
I always say- if I can do it, so can you!